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Why do men engage in viewing pornography both in secrete and in isolation? How can we help men and women understand one another so as to better avoid the bitterness and anger that easily comes between them on this issue? We have had several females state their intention to end their relationship with their male partner and at least one woman has asked if she should break her engagement and impending marriage over the pornography controversy.We need to ask if this angry approach is good for either men or women over the topic of viewing internet pornography.Shameful feelings of self condemnation can be extremely harsh, especially when it is perceived that a deeply valued belief about what is and is not socially acceptable has been violated. The individual who feels shame engages in total self condemnation, whether other people are aware of it or not.Shame is much more powerful than guilt because feeling guilty is connected with a single act or behavior of which the person disapproves. Instead, there is awareness that some law or code has been violated in a single instance. It involves a complete judgment of the entire self as negative.In addition to issues of performance for the male is the issue of genital size and appearance.Beginning with adolescence it is common for boys to compare penis size with one another.Some groups of boys even engage in ejaculation contests to test whose ejaculatory jet is the strongest and can reach the furthest.Some even engage in urinary contests to see whose urinary stream can reach the furthest.
The comments express outrage, hurt, puzzlement, and confusion about what goes on with their men.
For women, feelings of shame often have to do with body image issues.
Women compare themselves to other women and fear that they are not thin enough, shapely enough, or large breasted enough to fit the stereotypical view of what is defined as a beautiful woman.
Yet, once married, women are expected to be sexual and erotic for their husbands.
These conflicted feelings are often less intense today, in the wake of the women's liberation movement, but they still persist.